Wouldn't You Know It

Here’s the e-mail I sent telling the story of my recent apartment search DEBACLE… enjoy

To: [redacted]

From: Christopher Lee

Subject: Only because I know this will get talked about till the cows come home…

Hello Everyone,

Because I’d rather tell this story once, I’m gonna do it here.

So as some of you know I’ve been trying to get an apartment with a few friends for a bit now.  We finally found a place we loved and put in an application.  It had been about a week (well longer than normal) since we’d heard on our status when today we received our denial claiming, “We regret that we are unable to approve your request because you did not meet our criteria. The consumer reporting agency provided us with the information on your records that in whole or in part influenced our decision.”  This obviously didn’t sit well considering each of us had to ask our parents to guarantor and sign away their souls.  I digress. 

In lieu of this news I needed to head to their office to get our sensitive paperwork and deposits, and considering we met all of their criteria, find out why we weren’t approved.  Well…

I get to the office and was met by the most visceral “we don’t want you here” feeling I’ve ever experienced.  I ask to meet with someone to get back our paperwork and to see if I can find out what went wrong.  I’m led into a back office with the office manager and she says this, “I’m going to give you the opportunity to tell me why you weren’t approved.”  I respond, “Uhhhh…. cause we don’t have enough money?”  Her retort, “No, one more chance.”  Me, “Wait, what is this.  Ma’am I don’t have time for this.  Can I please have an explanation or just my paperwork so I can leave?”  She then proceeds to pull out a sheet of paper with a mugshot on it…. Uhh… hmmm?  Then goes on to tell me that the reason we weren’t approved was because they think I’m a registered sex offender in TX (6 year old boy mind you).  OH GOD.  Yeah, my jaw hit the floor… I nearly vomited and cried at the same time.  I then, probably incoherently, try to explain to her that it clearly isn’t me.

Well, it wasn’t me.  His name is Christopher G. Lee.  I’m Christopher A. Lee.  Wrong birthdate.  Wrong social sec. number.  I DON’T HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD.    After 5 minutes of the manager reaming the case manager on our application, she apologized and quite gleefully asked me, “well would you like to continue your application then?”  
Holy $hit…  
Well, we got the apartment.  They’re getting a letter.  A mean one.   
So, my final public service announcement:  Please, all of you.  Check your credit.  Guard your personal information with your life.  Just look out for this nonsense.  Really. 

Still processing…,

Chris Lee